According to a study published by the Journal of Family Psychology, premarital counseling is associated with

• higher levels of marital satisfaction
• lower levels of destructive conflicts
• higher levels of interpersonal commitment to spouses.
• The study also revealed that premarital education decreases the chance of divorce by 31%.

Premarital counseling is a time for partners to engage on a deeper level about strategies for healthy communication, as well as issues that may come up later in their marriage. Here are six reasons to attend pre-marriage counseling:

• 1. Discuss Expectations Around MarriageIt isn’t uncommon for couples to feel dissatisfaction in their marriage because of a decline in positive behavior after marriage. Setting realistic expectations about marriage means that the relationship will require frequent deposits in order to flourish and remain healthy.3 Another important expectation is the roles of partners during marriage. Will they have an egalitarian marriage? Or a traditional one? What are their expectations around work, career, and parenting? Couples need to have these crucial conversations to go into marriage with realistic expectations.
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2. Practice Healthy CommunicationEffective communication in a relationship calls for active listening from each partner to truly understand what the other person is saying and their inner experience. Unfortunately, many couples (especially during relationship conflict) are thinking of their response as the other person is speaking, so they are not really paying attention to the conversation. Premarital counseling teaches couples active listening skills, a key skill for healthy communication.
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3. Learn Conflict ResolutionConflict resolution refers to giving couples tools for conflict management, like keeping complaints and requests specific. For example, “When X happened, I felt Y, but I wanted Z.” Listening generously, validating the other person’s feelings, and seeing things through their eyes are crucial when there is a disagreement. Also, conflict resolution involves teaching couples to claim responsibility in conflict. As an exercise, each partner might say, “What I learn from this is ___” and take accountability for their part in the conflict. For example, a partner might say, “My part is: I didn’t tell you that I will be late coming home from work. Next time, I will give you a call so I don’t keep you waiting.”
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4. Discuss Values & NeedsCouples examine their needs around freedom, autonomy in the relationship, inclusion, exclusion, self-identity, responsibility, religious beliefs, etc. With the support of a trained counselor, a discussion is focused around the issues that couples face as they enter marriage. A couple would agree or disagree to certain statements, but the main goal is to listen to the themes and needs that’re expressed behind each choice. These statements might be something like: “It doesn’t matter which one of us makes more money since it’s all ours anyway.” Or, “Those who are paying should have the final approval for the wedding plans.” Partners would talk openly and discuss those statements.
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5. Explore Family of Origin Patternsmotional patterns are handed down in families just as physical traits are. In other words, a person doesn’t only inherit the shape of their face from their parents, they also may inherit a debilitating anxiety or a strange obsession, which can affect important relationships in the future. Therapists trained in family systems use a family diagram or genogram, which reveals patterns of behavior through different generations of the family. Couples identify healthy and unhealthy patterns in their families and decide which patterns they choose to keep and what they want to change.
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6. Address Challenging TopicsIssues like finances, sex, and children can be difficult to communicate. Sometimes partners feel that they’re going around in circles without reaching a resolution. Therefore, it is recommended to have a safe and a neutral therapist to guide the conversation and examine the feelings and underlying needs—which leads to empathy and understanding among partners. Here are a couple challenging topics you might discuss in pre-marriage counseling:
• Financial management: couples bring into a romantic relationship a belief around how their financial life will work. Each partner’s beliefs are often created subconsciously, influenced by their families, friends, society, and gender-related expectations, but rarely are these expectations talked about.3
• Intimacy, Sexuality, & Affection: talking about sexual expectations is crucial so that couples have a realistic expectation of their sex life in the long haul. There is a lot of relevant information to cover including desire, expectations, and sex drive